So, I've tried living for today this week...whew! It's a lot of work.
I'm trying...I'm trying to only focus on what I can do today and not worry about tomorrow until it gets here. It's been tough this week, though, Alissa's got the funk (again--I really think she didn't get over it the first time). AND, now, I've been blessed enough to get the funk. As the doctor put it today, I'm about a hairline away from pneumonia. I knew I was having trouble with my breathing, I do occasionally from the asthma...but I didn't think it was that...I haven't even been coughing!
We're going through some emotions with Alissa this week, too. I'm not sure what's up with her, but she's definitely crying out to us. We're trying to narrow it down, but we're losing patience! She's wet her pants (on purpose), wet on the floor (she was just going potty), and just plain acted mean and rude. We're trying to figure it out....we know that the past 22 months have been focused on Nickolas, but here lately, it hasn't been. I would have expected this more earlier this year, not now. BUT...we're pushing through and I've made a commitment to work less and be here for her more.
It does hurt, though. I tend to blame myself for things like this and I can't help but wonder what I've done to make her feel this way. Tonight she told me that I don't love her anymore...what would give her that impression? Does she have trouble adjusting to change? Not much has changed...except that I do spend one hour a week away from the house....is she in that much need of me that it bothers her? I'm not sure...all I know is that I want my baby back. I don't like this smart-butt of a four year old.
She's decided that she wants her own birthday. We'd tossed around the idea of having a joint party with her cousin, but the other day, when we were talking about it, she said..."Mommy, I love (leaving name out for privacy sake), but it's my birthday. I want my own birthday." I totally understood. It is her birthday and I don't ever want to push her to do something that she doesn't want to do (within reason--cleaning her room is non-negotiable). So, tonight she's decided against a pirate party and is going for Cinderella. We're still talking about location...but probably the park the Sunday before her birthday. The cousin I spoke about, his birthday is the 1st so I know they'd want to do his birthday the next weekend.
Tomorrow I'm spending the day in bed--alone. This perplexes me...what am I supposed to do for that amount of time? I'm thinking some good 'ol fashioned TV (look at me...the topic is living for today is hard and I'm already going off about tomorrow). Enough of that....I'm signing off and finishing today!
Good Night!
I'm trying...I'm trying to only focus on what I can do today and not worry about tomorrow until it gets here. It's been tough this week, though, Alissa's got the funk (again--I really think she didn't get over it the first time). AND, now, I've been blessed enough to get the funk. As the doctor put it today, I'm about a hairline away from pneumonia. I knew I was having trouble with my breathing, I do occasionally from the asthma...but I didn't think it was that...I haven't even been coughing!
We're going through some emotions with Alissa this week, too. I'm not sure what's up with her, but she's definitely crying out to us. We're trying to narrow it down, but we're losing patience! She's wet her pants (on purpose), wet on the floor (she was just going potty), and just plain acted mean and rude. We're trying to figure it out....we know that the past 22 months have been focused on Nickolas, but here lately, it hasn't been. I would have expected this more earlier this year, not now. BUT...we're pushing through and I've made a commitment to work less and be here for her more.
It does hurt, though. I tend to blame myself for things like this and I can't help but wonder what I've done to make her feel this way. Tonight she told me that I don't love her anymore...what would give her that impression? Does she have trouble adjusting to change? Not much has changed...except that I do spend one hour a week away from the house....is she in that much need of me that it bothers her? I'm not sure...all I know is that I want my baby back. I don't like this smart-butt of a four year old.
She's decided that she wants her own birthday. We'd tossed around the idea of having a joint party with her cousin, but the other day, when we were talking about it, she said..."Mommy, I love (leaving name out for privacy sake), but it's my birthday. I want my own birthday." I totally understood. It is her birthday and I don't ever want to push her to do something that she doesn't want to do (within reason--cleaning her room is non-negotiable). So, tonight she's decided against a pirate party and is going for Cinderella. We're still talking about location...but probably the park the Sunday before her birthday. The cousin I spoke about, his birthday is the 1st so I know they'd want to do his birthday the next weekend.
Tomorrow I'm spending the day in bed--alone. This perplexes me...what am I supposed to do for that amount of time? I'm thinking some good 'ol fashioned TV (look at me...the topic is living for today is hard and I'm already going off about tomorrow). Enough of that....I'm signing off and finishing today!
Good Night!
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